Feelings feel Strange

9-5-10

First piece of advice for the day: Don’t try to park in Fenway/Kenmore when there’s a Red Sox game. It won’t happen. Just give up and drive to another neighborhood.

I’m 5 days into my new Boston adventure and I’m already feeling a range of emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. For those who know me you know that emotions and I don’t always go hand in hand but I will do my best to express them and move on.

First: The New Apartment Glamour Wearing Off Feeling. George (My boyfriend) and I are subletting a place in Fenway for a few months with the possibility to re-lease it later for a year. It’s a decent price and huge for two people with plenty of closet space and I generally like the layout and spacing of the apartment. But you know when you see a place and no matter how detailed you are at looking at it you still miss things. Well the feature I missed was the windows. The windows are rotting out and it makes it very hard to keep the apartment cool. This little piece of enlightenment came only after I spent two days calling every Wal-mart, Home Depot, Best Buy and such in the state of Massachusetts to find an air conditioner because I guess I never got the memo that no apartments in Boston have AC and everyone moves in September 1st. After a miracle occurred and I found an AC on craigslist, I dragged it back up the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment and I became aware that the windows are rotting and have small holes around them, thus cooling the apartment is more challenging then I realized.

(As a side bar I will be referring to the fact that I take 4 flights of stairs up and down everyday on a regular basis not as a complaint but because I feel it symbolizes many of the challenges and changes experienced from moving to a new city. And it is in fact one of the times each day I am seeing life most clearly and addressing issues that actually matter- such as getting to the top with a 40lbs air conditioner in my arms.)

Second: The Over Abundance of Nature Makes Me Happy Feeling. I’ve been experiencing a more tight connection with space and nature in Boston then I did in Chicago. And yes I realize how cheesy that sounds but for the sake of my entry just go with it. In Chicago it is well known that the major parks make up a strip on the Eastern most part of the city (Grant Park, Oak Street Beach). The large parks are hard to access and the smaller parks must be shared with more people, children and pets. Boston is a much smaller city but one of the most ingenious things done by the original city planners was string larger and medium size parks all around and through the middle of the city. They call it the “Emerald necklace” and it allows everyone access to a park within minutes of walking if not seconds. And while the “Big Dig” took billions of federal tax dollars I personally feel seeing the mile long stretch of the city with no above ground highway and with public parks in its place was actually a great way to spend tax dollars (definitely better then bailing out Wall-street). This is a city where I feel I can breathe more than any other I have experienced.

Third: The I Don’t Have Any Friends Here Yet and My Friends Are 800 Miles Away Feeling. I guess if I’m being honest I didn’t expect loneliness to set in so quickly. I am proud and honored to date a Chef with talent and passion but for those who have worked in the restaurant industry you know how time consuming being a chef is. You know how many hours’ chefs put in daily especially when the restaurant is just opening. And while my boyfriend is amazingly fun and supportive he physically can not be present much during the day as he is currently bringing home the bacon and pursuing his dreams. Being that I don’t have a job yet and I am a little OCD our whole apartment was unpacked except two boxes within a day. So I am here by myself to explore Boston. I’m a huge fan of alone time and feel most people don’t spend enough time with themselves but it’s a different feeling when it’s a choice then when it’s the only option. As I mentioned briefly in my last post I have been threatening and promising to leave Chicago for the last 3 years and just now did it. But the irony is it was not until this last year that I felt for the first time that I had friends individually and collectively that will last for my lifetime. I guess it’s that year long stint after you graduate college when your friendships shake out leaving you with your the real lifelong friends. It’s also when you make your first post-college relationships which I have found to be choosier and long lasting. Loneliness as an emotion is much different then happiness in the sense that it trickles in and builds where as happiness is instantaneous and fleeting. I know I will make friends and build relationships but it will take time and one must stay encouraged on that. I am remembering back to when I moved from North Carolina to Chicago for college over 5 years ago and the feelings were similar but it’s easier in college when you’re constantly surrounded by people that need friends too. I guess as I said earlier I was just so surprised to have even the slightest feeling of loneliness so quickly.

On a more positive note I must say the range of emotions has been perfectly highlighted with this season’s sound track to my life: “Lungs” by Florence + the machine. I finally purchased the album at the behest of one of my bests Melanie. I’m thankful for the months of her mentioning the album and that I didn’t get the urge to download it until now because it is the perfect fall album and a great soundtrack to the changes in my life.

Finally: The No One Here is a Hipster Feeling. I wanted to leave you with a positive feeling and I have chosen the fact that I haven’t seen or smelled a hipster in days and it’s been fantastic. Granted I haven’t ventured to Cambridge much but I still have the optimistic belief that they will at least smell a little better here then in Chicago. Xoxo.